I wanna see you be brave

It seems appropriate that I would learn the background of the song "Brave" and really listen to the words for the first time today, on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  The song apparently was inspired by a friend of Sara Bareilles' struggle to come out to his family, as well as another friend's ally organization, encouraging straight folks to speak up for equality.  

This anthem song is about speaking up against the majority, 

                                               about supporting individualism, 

                                             about countering that bully, 

                                           about confessing that secret,

about advocating for that dream,

                                                 about fighting for equality,

                               and mainly, 

about being unapologetic and unafraid to be who you are.  

I dare you - I wanna see you be brave.  

Also, be sure to watch the fun music video of this song!


"Brave"

"You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
See you be brave."

- Sara Bareilles

No use crying over spilled milk

Earlier this evening I spilled some milk (just a little, making drinks) and I thought, that's what my next Facebook status is going to be - 

"If Starbucks has taught me anything, it is that there is no use crying over spilled milk."  

I mean this literally and figuratively, and I think about it every time I spill milk... which for everyone who works bar at Starbucks is quite often, and then exponentially more often for me, as proven later in this post.

But for real.  There really is no use in beating yourself up over a mistake, a misjudgment, an inconvenient misstep on your path.  Life works out.  Spilled milk, literally and figuratively, will 99.8% of the time end up just fine, and you'll usually look back and laugh about it.  People forgive.  And forget.  We are all humans and all spill milk from time to time.  Some more than others (we all have that hot mess friend), but still all of us. 

And, unless you're hurting yourself or others, you really can't let yourself get too wrapped up in trying to change what's already happened or get overly focused on a mistake.  Life is messy.  There's always going to be spilled milk.  Laugh about it, learn from it, and move on.  Realize that things often happen for a reason, even though we can't immediately see that, and they always work out in the end.  So trust that.  Be present and don't worry.  No matter how big a mess you've gotten yourself into, there will always be a way to clean it up.  

______________________________

An example of this recently happened to me.  It wasn't really a mess, per se, but a situation where I thought I made the wrong choice, but it ended up working out way better than I ever could have imagined.  For Valentine's Day, I had two options.  One option was to go to dinner with lovely friends and then go to an improv show, and the other option was to go to a highly recommended dance show by myself.  That was supposed to be the only night I could see the show, since I had to work the following two nights, therefore I thought the perfect solution was to go to dinner with the friends, then leave to go to my show. 

Dinner was really fun and delicious, which made me not want to leave, so I decided to stay.  I realized later though that, even though it was a fabulous evening, I was really disappointed that I wasn't going to see this dance show.  I didn't go to the improv show and thought that I had kind of messed up the way the evening was supposed to go.  It just didn't feel right.  I'd made the wrong decision and was annoyed at myself.  

In my disappointment, I figured if I could get someone to take my Friday night shift at Sbucks, then I could go the following night to see the show.  Luckily, I quickly found someone, and my heart immediately lifted.  

The next day, I happened to have a participant talk to me about her blues band, which prompted me to talk to a coworker who works at Buddy Guys, only to find out that she was working that night, and that I should stop by, and that the place happened to be located near the dance show.  SO, Friday night, I was able to go to a really fun happy hour after work, which I wouldn't have gotten to do if I'd had to work at Sbucks; I saw the incredible show and even met my brother's friend afterward, which I wouldn't have been able to do the night before, since he was only attending Friday's show; I got to see a friend at Buddy Guys, where she completely hooked me up, and even introduced me to THE Buddy Guy himself, and where we all hung out until 5am.  AND I got to hang out with my friends on Valentine's Day, instead of leaving.  NONE of that would have happened, had my original 'plan' of going the night before had worked out.  I would have just gone to Sbucks and worked and had a typical, boring Friday evening.  

Long story short - LIFE WORKS OUT.  Sometimes we may not see it, but it will.  Like that quote - "Everything will be alright in the end.  So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."

______________________________

Speaking of the end, this is what happened tonight at the end of my shift.  I was closing at Sbucks and my supervisor was doing one last minute thing, but everything else was done.  The store looked really clean, ready for the day tomorrow, so while I waited I decided to take another Trenta cup of milk home.  

I poured the 30 ounces of skim soy and was attempting to put the lid on (in my defense, Trenta cup lids suck)... when my manager made the mistake of talking to me, so I looked up... causing the entire cup to slide and fall... spilling allllll over our nicely polished fridge, nicely mopped floors, nicely wiped counters, and nice clean mat.  Oh, and ALL over the front of ME, right after I'd taken my apron off.  Here's a little taste of what it looked like. Please also note it going under the cabinets... 

= Allison in Starbucks

But, no use crying over spilled milk!  Literally.  We cleaned it up and all was well in the world.  

Synchronicity - me wanting to post about spilled milk and then this happens.  Synchronicity - when we think our plans don't go the way we want them to, but then they work out even better.  Synchronicity in life is so neat, and I've been finding it incredibly helpful to stop and take note when it happens.  I take those moments as signs that I am where I am supposed to be in the world and that all is right.  Look for synchronicity in your world!  And remember, no crying in baseball.  Oh, I mean over spilled milk.  

carpe diem, hakuna matata, no day but today... redhead OUT. 

Namaste

A Valentine's Day Surprise

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 

Today is about love! A day to tell those wonderful people in your life how much you adore them and how much they mean to you. To share all the love you have with your friends, family, lovers, neighbors, and, in my case, strangers and homeless men on the street! 

Let me explain... but first, a neat sculpture on the side of a building that I walked past today.  If anyone wants to play a game of Boggle, let me know... 

So this morning I woke up incredibly anxious.  Just one of those mornings where your mind is racing and thoughts just keep jumping around nonstop.  I had an appointment down in the loop, so my morning routine was also a bit thrown off.  

I really enjoy going down in the loop, as this is where I find more of a taste of real Chicago - grimy, working/lower class, loud city noises, diversity, el trains rattling by, pigeons... quite the contrast from the touristy, Michigan Avenue, Prada buying hood where I work.  The first time I went to this office, I had a guy yell, "Don't you DARE smile at me."

....

So today I get off the bus, I'm feeling anxious and am running a tad later than planned (not late, mind you, just lateR).  I see this homeless man, a double leg amputee, in a wheelchair sitting on the street corner, and he's talking to a person in front of me.  My mind jumps to thinking, Okay, he's going to ask you for money, I don't have time to be nice, nor do I really want to today, but it's going to make my heart sad, etc, etc.  

As I get close to the guy, bracing and ready for whatever he has to say, he stops my racing brain in its tracks by saying:

"Good morning Gorgeous, Happy Valentine's Day." 

My heart immediately melts and I smile as I say, "Why thank you kind sir, Happy Valentine's Day to you too."  He then motions for a kiss on the cheek, which I kindly and swiftly ignore.  (Sorry buddy, one step too far! Lol)  I keep walking, wishing him a great day.

The smallest or briefest human interaction can be so incredible sometimes.  This man not only proved my negative assumptions wrong, but he surprised me by saying something very kind to me, completely making my day.  He reminded me to live in the PRESENT.  To stop my brain and just BE.  And that anticipating or worrying about things isn't very helpful.  It can, in fact, be very detrimental to waste time on 'what ifs' or to live in the future or past.  He also reminded me that many of the things I was anxious about are really not big problems in the grand scheme of things.  I am fortunate to be healthy, mobile, and employed... things I often take for granted.  

He showed me how important it is to actually connect with the people around us, instead of just going about our usual routines in our own little worlds.  When you're open to such experiences,  even the quickest, smallest connection can turn your mood around! 

I was thankful for that today.  

I was also thankful for this delicious chocolate and wise words from Dove.  

And for this cute pair... 

carpe diem, hakuna matata, no day but today... redhead OUT. 

Namaste

Starbucks Misadventures 4 - "You are an awful human being"

Hello world.  I would like to debrief after having perhaps the strangest encounter(s) with another human being I've ever had.  It's hard when you can't easily label someone acting strangely (tired, mentally ill, drunk, high, etc.), as having that label often helps explain their abnormal behaviors.  This man's behaviors are and always will be a mystery to me...

This guy came into Starbucks tonight, looking quite normal and attempted to ask us something.  He's around 35-40 years old, I would guess.  He was having trouble finding words, but we gathered that he was asking for directions.  He then asked me to come over, closer to him (yes, of course me), and he proceeded to say he was looking for a gay bar.  He whispered this like it was the 1960s in Texas, or something.  My mind went straight to wanting to be supportive of this assumedly closeted gay man, so I offered to look up the place on my phone.  There was a customer sitting right behind us who said she'd look it up.  At this point, we still think he's a normal-ish, lost man.

He's acting sheepish and said he hadn't been drinking and that he promised he wasn't abnormal.  She shrugged and goes, "Hey, we're all a little bit abnormal." I liked her immediately.  So she looks it up and we tell him where it is.  He would not listen and wasn't comprehending anything we were saying, even though all he had to do was walk 3 blocks on one street and he was there.  He kept holding his hands out and saying he was bad with directions, saying that he had to turn, when we kept saying no, it's on this street.  He then asks how he will know where it is, or whether or not he's found it.  I thought this was an odd question, and we're slowly realizing this guy is a bit off.  I told him the address of the place, for the 10th time, and that I'm sure there will be a sign... I mean, it's a public place, not some guy's apartment, right?

After about the fifth time repeating the directions, I see the girl start to put her headphones in, so I know she's over it as much as I am.  The guy then looks around and leans in and says, "So. Do you know any? Any of the gays?" The girl goes, "What a strange question that is." I said, "Of course we do."  I'm now offended by this man, and confused about his motivations.  The girl then tells him goodnight, and he begins to talk nonsense, saying, "The 'gays' have been through a lot, they fought at Stonewall." I cut him off and say, "Yes, we know, have a good night sir," and he left.  We were so confused by this man and what his circumstances were.  And why he kept saying, "the gays" yet was going to a gay bar.

As if this weren't enough, fast forward about 2.5 hours to 10pm, when my coworker and I are closing.  Everyone else has left, and I am literally steps from locking the door, when none other than our lovely guy comes stumbling through the door, his belt unbuckled and dangling almost to the floor.  I am immediately on edge and wary of this man, as well as not interested in putting up with people's bullshit.  It's closing time and I am supposed to be going home soon.  He is otherwise dressed and looks fine, but is clutching his chest and freaking out, waving his hands around.  Before he had even said anything, I told him that we were closed.  He said he needed help.  I asked what was wrong, asked if he was having an asthma attack, what he needed.  It seemed like some sort of panic attack.  He wouldn't answer, but just said he needed help and was looking quite crazed and flustered.  I told him sorry but we are closed.  I couldn't tell if he was just crazy or legit needed help, but at that point, I wanted him away from us.

I urged him out the door, into the little vestibule... so he was still inside the building, but not in the store.  I locked the door between us, to keep him away from us, at which he grabbed his head and started saying he needed help, that he couldn't believe this, couldn't believe I wasn't helping him.  I'm standing literally 2 feet away from him, talking to him through the locked door.  Meanwhile, Liz is already on the phone, calling 911 and telling them about this guy.  I tell the man that we are calling for help.  He said he couldn't believe I wasn't helping and that I am an awful human being.  I said, "Look, she's on the fucking phone right now with the police getting help for you."  He stopped talking, but still paced around.  He then went outside and sat right next to our door, with his head in his hands.  I wondered if he was scared of the police coming?  He sat for about 3 minutes, then just got up and walked down the street.  We watched him go... he didn't ask anyone on the street for help and, we couldn't tell, but he may have walked into a restaurant down the way.

SO WEIRD.  And scary.  I was pretty shaken and can still hear him saying that I am an awful human being.  I know that's not true, of course, but still, it feels pretty cold and terrible to lock out a man calling for help (looking back, I don't think he ever specified medical help or just help in general) in a vestibule.  Of course, that was what needed to happen to keep Liz and me safe, and I was still communicating with him through the door.  If he had really needed help, he could have just waited there until help came (which they never did, by the way...  NOT reassuring.)

The whole thing was just so strange.  Why did he come back to us, when he could have asked anyone on the street for help?  Did he ever make it to the gay bar?  What had happened that caused him to freak out?  Did he do something bad and wanted to confide in us?  Did he even remember having been to our store earlier?

My guess is that he was on some sort of drug, and then perhaps, maybe after mixing with alcohol, it caused him to freak out.  Who knows.  Probably better not to know.  I do hope he didn't do anything bad to anyone else and that he is okay.  I'm also glad Liz and I were together and in control the entire time.  Man, oh man, what a crazy night.  I'm not sure my attraction of eccentric people + Starbucks' natural tendency to attract crazies is a very good combination... ha!

On a more positive note, I worked with great people tonight and the night otherwise was a lot of fun :) Sleep well, world.

carpe diem, hakuna matata, no day but today... redhead OUT. 

Namaste

Starbucks Misadventures 3 - Milk and Lights Out

This is going to be a two-part Misadventures post... because yes, they happen so often I can't keep up, and these both are quick, more random events.  

The Superdome wasn't the only place with a brief blackout out this weekend! 

Picture, please, a lovely Saturday evening at a Starbucks Evenings Store.  For those who don't know what that means, it means our store serves beer and wine and has tasty new small plates like truffle mac and cheese, bacon wrapped dates, and fondue, so we're talking a high class, fancy Starbucks.  Black tie Starbucks.  Or rather, black apron and black awning Starbucks.  Anyway, it's a pretty packed store with a lovely hipster playing guitar and singing some indie folk, and everyone is having a nice, classy evening.   

My coworker and I are in the back room, chatting away as usual, and she reaches up to grab something.  Before we know it, she's knocked down the entire huge, paper-heavy bulletin board that is was hanging on the wall back there.  There is instantly a big mess, daily announcements scattered all over the floor, and we start dying of laughter.  So we're back here, cleaning up and laughing, when a few minutes later our supervisor comes back, shaking his head... and TURNS ON THE LIGHTS.  The bulletin board had hit, on its way down, the entire row of switches, turning off all the lights in the entire store.  It was nighttime, so it was quite noticeable, I'd say.  We start dying some more of laughter.   And of course, the whole store can see that we're back there and clearly the culprits of their essay writing, psychoanalyzing, poem creating, patent law reading interruption.  Luckily most of them laughed.  

My (lovely, normal, not high at all) voice

One time when I was 9 years old (read, when my voice was even higher than it is now), my family was visiting a zoo in Australia and we were standing by the dingo exhibit.  They all were sound asleep, and thus not very entertaining, so I enthusiastically began telling my family a story.  I'm sure it was really interesting and I'm sure they were really listening.  I'm chattering along, and all the sudden, the ENTIRE pack of dingoes becomes wide awake, they all jump up, and start howling and howling.  And we're not talking just a little wake up bark, we're talking intense howling, like they'd heard one of their kind out there in the wild somewhere and were trying to attract it to their pack.  Or that I was a scary intruding dog and they needed to warn the others.  We, fortunately, have the entire thing on video :)

This brings me to my first commonly heard quote about my speaking voice, "Only dogs can hear you in that register."

The dingoes before the Russell arrival (except actually asleep)

So more like this

The dingoes after our arrival :)

 I usually tend to forget how other people hear my voice, so it still often surprises me when people comment on it.  Here are some memorable quotes regarding my speaking voice that I have heard over the years:

- My friend's mom called me "Tiny" for years.  At first I didn't get that she was referring to my voice. 
- "Your little squeaky voice."
- "You sound like you're five."
- Many people have told me that I should be the voice for a cartoon character/animated film.  Most of those people were complete strangers, including one homeless guy.  
- "You have one of those high voices, you know?" (the most recent encounter)
- Lots of, "Aww, your voice is cute."
- "We always thought she would grow out of it." (thanks, Mom)
- "When she gets excited, her voice goes up 2 octaves."
- Lots of mimicking, 99% of the time by men
- My friend told me that she didn't believe this was my real voice for like the first 3 years she knew me... 
- I don't think my sweet grandma has heard me clearly in a looong time.

And my personal favorite from a British exchange girl in high school - "Sounds like you swallowed a dog toy and the squeaker got stuck in your throat." :) 

And my favorite compliment about my voice came from a college acting vocal coach, who I highly regarded.  In response to me saying a lot of people made fun of my voice, he whipped his head around, raised his eyebrow, peered at me over his glasses with the most diva, bring-it-on face, and said - "You tell them Kristen Chenoweth also has a high voice." One of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.  (And for all of you who don't know, this was when Kristen was starring in Wicked on Broadway...)

Anyway, thanks to his helpful comment and having lived with this disea... I mean voice, for 26 years, I have come to appreciate that it is something unique about me and that it is part of what makes me, me.  I need to figure out a way to put it to good use!  For now, I'll just embrace the fact that I can speak to dingoes and no one else can.  Well, except for maybe my aunt. :) 

A last little thing to consider - this article Amanda brought to my awareness :)  
http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/10/12/why-high-voices-attract-men-but-threaten-women/ 

carpe diem, hakuna matata, no day but today... redhead OUT. 
Namaste

How crazy life is...

So, I JUST finished my last post about how I REACT to things and tend to lose my brain a little.  I posted it and then decided to read a little before going to bed.  This is literally the paragraph/topic I open my book to:

"We keep ourselves in crisis state - adrenaline flowing and muscles tensed, ready to react to emergencies that usually aren't emergencies.  We jump to the first feeling that comes our way and then wallow in it.  We think the first thought that comes into our heads and then elaborate on it.  We say the first words on our tongues and sometimes regret them.  We do the first thing that comes to min, usually without thinking about it.  That is the problem: we are reacting without thinking - without honest thought about what we need to do, and how we want to handle the situation.  Our emotions and behaviors are being controlled - triggered - by everyone and everything in our environment."

... "Reacting usually does not work.  We react too quickly, with too much intensity and urgency.  Rarely can we do our best at anything in this state of mind."

"We react because we're anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening.  We react because we think things shouldn't be happening the way they are.  We react because we don't feel good about ourselves.  We react because most people react.  We react because we think we have to react.  We don't have to.  We don't have to be so afraid of people.  They are just people like us.  We don't have to forfeit our peace.  It doesn't help. ... We don't have to take things so seriously.  We don't have to take other people's behaviors as reflections of our self-worth." (Melody Beattie)

Interesting stuff!  It's just so fascinating to me that the one night I choose to write about that, about how I want to be as cool as a polar bear, there some help/advice is waiting for me on the page.  Life works in crazy ways.  For some reason this quote just popped in my brain - "Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."  Not sure how much that relates, but seems like a nice way to end this post.  And if you didn't like that quote, here's another cute little animal for you :) 

Want. to. hug. just. can't. quite. reach. 

carpe diem, hakuna matata, no day but today... redhead OUT.  

Namaste